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How do you beat something so addictive as the Internet, or TV — things most of us find ourselves increasingly immersed in, all day long?

I won’t get into the whys of curbing an addiction like this — I’m going to assume you already want to make a change.

The change can be different things: perhaps you play too many video games, watch too much porn, watch TV on your laptop way too much, are on Youtube or Facebook or Reddit or Instagram or Twitter or news sites or blogs too much …

What can you do?

I’m going to give you strategies I’ve found effective, because I face these problems myself, all the time.

But here are the main two ideas:

1. Face the problem.
2. Increase awareness.

If you can manage to do these two things, repeatedly, you’ll make a lot of strides. More details below.

Strategies to Face Your Digital Addiction

There isn’t one way to face and deal with an addiction, but I recommend trying a combination of these to see what works best for you:

1. Face the problem. What most of us do is put off thinking about the problem, or even admitting there’s a problem. It’s uncomfortable to think about what makes us feel guilty, so we put off this discomfort like we put off exercise. But ignoring the problem, pretending it doesn’t exist … that doesn’t make things better. The obstacle is the path. Face the problem, and in doing so, become more aware. See what is really happening with you. Learn about yourself. This is a valuable education.
2. Increase awareness. You can’t change what you’re not aware of. Lots of addictions happen without us realizing what we’re doing, as we’re doing it, and only later do we feel guilty. Start to increase awareness of your urges, and your actions, while it’s happening. That means you need to have reminders around you, so that you’re constantly noticing the urges as they come up. You can still act on the urge, as you’re increasing awareness, but be aware that the urge is happening, and see what action you take, and what the result is (how do you feel afterward, what consequences are there?). This is a skill you can increase over time, with practice.
3. See the fear. You are going to the addiction because of fear. You’re procrastinating on something harder, more uncomfortable, like work or exercise or socializing perhaps. The addiction fulfills the need you have to run to comfort, away from discomfort. Start to become aware of this fear, and shine some light on it.
4. Try small sessions without it. Try an hour without the Internet, or a day without porn or TV. You might face some internal resistance, but if you tell yourself, “It’s just an hour” or “It’s just a day”, then you know you can get through this period of discomfort. The key is to make the period seem like a small challenge but very doable. Once you’ve done this once or twice, start to build these small doses into your schedule — let’s say an hour a day, or two days a week, whatever fits your life best.
5. Increase the periods of non-distraction. If you do an hour a day of no Internet, try adding another hour in each day. Do that for a week and see how it goes. Use an Internet blocker if necessary, and some accountability with friends if that’s helpful.
6. Think about the limitedness of your life. We’re only on this Earth for a short while, and it’s an exceedingly miraculous gift. Don’t waste it. Make something. Do something. Learn something. Go outside. Make friends. Drink the juices of life. Don’t allow your life to seep away through digital distraction. Live consciously by deciding how you want to spend your time.
7. Become intentional. When you open up your computer, start by pausing, noticing your urges, and then taking a few seconds to set an intention for this session: I’m going to write an article, or read for 10 minutes about Mt. Everest (or whatever). Then do that, and get up and away from your computer. Take a break, stretch, do a couple yoga poses, drink some water. Then before you go into your next computer session, set an intention again. You might deviate from that intention sometimes, but practice at least setting the intention, then practice trying to stick to it. You’ll get better with practice, as with anything.

The keys, again, are to face the problem and increase awareness. And this takes a little bit of courage, but it can be done.

7 Strategies for Facing Your Internet/TV Addiction was originally posted on Zen Habits on 9/9/14.

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Have you ever made a bucket list? For me, they’re incredibly seductive — I love reading other people’s bucket lists, and making my own.

But here’s what happens when you make a bucket list:

1. You put this huge burden on yourself to get the list accomplished. As if we don’t already have enough on our to-do lists already!
2. If you don’t do well at pursuing the things on the list, you feel guilty or underaccomplished.
3. If you do well at pursuing the list, you are probably pursuing less-than-meaningful activities. They’re usually just there because they sounded cool to do.

The truth is, most of the things we put on bucket lists are just ideas that popped into our heads, not anything connected to meaning. We put things like “skydiving” and “learn to surf” and “visit the Amazon rainforest” and “kiss in the rain”— all of which are excellent activities … but we rarely put things like, “change someone’s life” or “find meaningful work that I care about” or “be compassionate toward my family”.

Why put pressure on ourselves to achieve a huge list of things that aren’t that meaningful? Why feel guilty if we’re not pursuing them? Why not let them go?

Life isn’t a big todo list, nor is it about optimizing all the things we do in life.

The most amazing things are right in front of us, right where we are. Right now. We don’t have to go anywhere or see some incredible sights or do daring activities to experience the wonder of life.

And we can do meaningful work, right where we are. What would a shorter list of meaningful activities look like? What would your anti-bucket list contain?

And if you don’t know what’s meaningful to you … isn’t that what you should be pursuing instead of a bucket list?

The Anti-Bucket List was originally posted on Zen Habits on 3/19/15.

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Let’s say you’re feeling unmotivated, unsure of yourself, aimless, can’t find your passion, directionless, not clear on what your purpose in life is.

You’re in good company — most people are in the same boat.

Now, there about a million things online telling you how to find your passion in life, and that’s a good thing. It’s a search worth undergoing.

I’m not going to give you a fool-proof method, or a 5-step method, nor share my passion manifesto with you today.

I’m going to give you a one-step method.

However, that one step is a doozy.

The One Step to Finding Your Purpose

It’s simply this: learn to get outside your personal bubble.

Your personal bubble is the small world you live in (we all have one), where you are the center of the universe. You are concerned with your wellbeing, with not wanting to look bad, with succeeding in life, with your personal pleasure (good food, good music, good sex, etc.).

This is the bubble we all live in most of the time, and people who say they don’t are trying to prove something.

When someone tells you you look fat, this only hurts because you’re in your personal bubble. You take that statement (a colleague who says you look fat) and believe that it’s about you, and feel the pain or embarrassment of how the statement affects you. It matters a lot, because in your bubble, what matters most is how everything affects you personally.

I’m the same way, and so is everyone else.

Some other problems caused by this personal bubble:

• In our bubble, we’re concerned with our pleasure and comfort, and try not to be uncomfortable. This is why we don’t exercise, why we don’t only eat healthy food.
• This fear of being uncomfortable is also why we get anxious at the thought of meeting strangers. It hampers our social lives, our love lives.
• Because we don’t want to look bad, we are afraid of failing. So we don’t tackle tough things.
• We procrastinate because of this fear of failing, this fear of discomfort.
• When someone does or says something, we relate that event with how it affect us, and this can cause anger or pain or irritation.
• We expect people to try to give us what we want, and when they don’t, we get frustrated or angry.

Actually, pretty much all our problems are caused by this bubble.

Including the difficulty in finding our life purpose. But more on that in a minute — I ask for your patience here, because this is important.

What Happens When We Get Out of the Bubble

If we can learn to get outside this personal bubble, and see things from a less self-centered approach, we can see some amazing things:

• When someone says or does something, it’s not really about us — it’s about pain or fear or confusion they’re feeling, or a desire they have. Not us.
• When we have an urge for temporary pleasure (TV, social media, junk food, porn), we can see that this urge is a simple passing physical sensation, and not the center of the universe.
• We can start to see that our personal desires are actually pretty trivial, and that there’s more to life than trying to meet our pleasures and shy from our discomfort. There’s more than our little fears. Including: the pain and suffering of other people, and compassion for them. Compassion for all living beings. Wanting to make the world better.
• We can tie our daily actions, like learning about how our minds and bodies and habits work, or getting healthy, or creating something, not only to our personal satisfaction and success (trivial things) but to how they help others, how they make the lives of others better, how they might lessen the suffering of others.

We become less self-centered, and begin to have a wider view. Everything changes, from letting go of fear and anger and procrastination, to changing our habits and finding work that matters.

How does this relate to finding our life purpose? Let’s explore that.

The Wider View, and Our Life Purpose

Once we get out of the bubble, and see things with a wider view, we can start a journey along a path like this:

1. We can start to see the needs of others, and feel for their suffering.
2. We then work to make their lives better, and lessen their suffering.
3. Even if we aren’t good at that, we can learn skills that help us to be better at it. It’s the intention that matters.
4. As we go about our daily work, we can tie our actions to this greater purpose. Learning to program or become healthy (for example) isn’t just for our betterment, but for the betterment of others, even in a small way. This gives us motivation on a moment-to-moment basis. When we lose motivation, we need to get back out of our bubble, shed our concern for our discomfort and fears, and tie ourselves to a bigger purpose.

In this path, it doesn’t matter what specific actions you take or skills you learn to make people’s lives better. What career you choose is not important — what matters is the bigger purpose. You can always change your career and learn new skills later, as you learn other ways to fulfill this purpose. You’ll learn over time.

What matters is becoming bigger than yourself. Once you do, you learn that you have a purpose in life.

How to Get Out of the Bubble

Sounds great, but getting outside this personal bubble isn’t as easy as just saying, “Let it be so.” It takes work.

First, you must see when you’re stuck in the bubble. Whenever you’re angry, frustrated, irritated, fearful, anxious, procrastinating, feeling hurt, wishing people would be different … you’re in the bubble. These are signs. You are at the center of your universe, and everything is relating to you and your feelings. When you can’t stick to habits, or have a hard time with a diet, you’re in the bubble. Your momentary pleasure is what matters in this bubble. Outside the bubble, they’re just little events (sensations of desire, urges) that can be let go of.

Second, when you notice that you’re in the bubble, expand your mind and heart. See the bigger picture. Feel what others must be feeling. Try to understand rather than condemning. See how little and petty your concerns and fears have been. Realize that if others treat you badly, it’s not about you, but about their suffering.

Third, wish others well. Genuinely want their happiness, just as you want your own happiness. See their suffering and wish for it to end or lessen.

Fourth, see how you can help. How can you lessen the suffering of others? Sometimes it’s just by paying attention, just listening. Other times you just need to be there, just lend a hand. You don’t need to go around solving everyone’s problems — they probably don’t want that. Just be there for them. And see if you can make people’s lives better — create something to make them smile. Make one little part of their world — a cup of tea, an article of clothing you’ve sewn — be a little space of goodness.

Repeat this process multiple times a day, and you’ll get better at it.

You’ll learn to be bigger than yourself. You’ll learn that the life we’ve been given is a gift, and we must make the most of it, and not waste a second. You’ll learn that there is nothing more fulfilling than making the lives of others a little better.

How to Find Your Life Purpose: An Unconventional Approach was originally posted on Zen Habits on 8/11/14.