Zen Habits Audio

Instead of getting moving, I watched my anxiety. It’s an interesting feeling of rising panic, of adrenaline shooting from my chest outward. My mind was racing, my heart was beating fast.

This happens to me from time to time — I feel like I have so much to do, and I start to worry. I’ve learned to deal with it, so that while it still comes up, I now have trust that I’ll be fine. And that, in turn, helps it to go away sooner.

So what do you do when you’re overwhelmed and have a crapload of work to do?

Here are the practices that work for me. I offer them to you in hopes that they’ll help you.

1. Trust in the moment. Anxiety is usually a fear (or a bunch of fears) about the future, which is pretty normal. But what this really is … is a lack of trust in the future. We don’t trust that things will work out. And what I’ve found, in my experimenting, is that this is really a lack of trust in the present. If the present isn’t good enough, if we aren’t good enough here in the present, then things will fail in the future. But I’ve learned that actually, nothing really bad will happen to me in the future if I act consistent with my principles here in the present. So I trust the present moment, and trust that things will work out. Try this: look at the moment you’re in. Look around you, look inward at yourself. Basically, this moment is fine. If it weren’t, you’d probably be in an ambulance instead of reading a Zen Habits post. If this moment is fine, the next one will probably be too. And the one after. We tend to imagine horrible future moments when it doesn’t really happen.

2. Meditate for a few minutes. Ironically, when we have a lot of work to do, the best thing isn’t necessarily to rush off and start working. I’ve found that taking a few minutes to meditate really helps bring me back to the moment, which turns out to be a great moment. Instead of keeping my eyes on the future all the time, I can check in with this moment, check in with myself and my breath, and this centers me to be calm in my tasks. Just sit still for 3 minutes, and pay attention to the breath, to your body, to the sounds around you. Keep coming back to these things in the present when your mind wanders.

3. Make a short list. With a lot of work to do, it can be overwhelming. But honestly I’ve found that I can’t do everything at once. I can’t even do two things at once. I can only focus on one thing at a time (though I can ineffectively switch back and forth between 2 or more things). So I should focus on the most important. The best way to do this is to make a short list of the most important things I have to do. What will make the most difference today? Not just the semi-urgent emails, but the tasks that mean the most to my life and career. This tends to be about 3 things per day, though go ahead and write down 5 things if you can’t limit it to 3. This list is what I focus on first. I can get to the small things later.

4. Single-task. I work most effectively when I pick one important task and really focus on it. When I switch constantly between a bunch of tasks, I tend not to make a lot of progress. And the important tasks get pushed back, because they need more focus than the constant switching allows for. And the constant switching feels productive, even if it means you’re only doing little things and not the big things. So instead, I focus on one big task, and I give it my full attention. Sometimes other things will interrupt my attention, and that’s OK if it can’t be avoided. You can’t control every moment (or any moment perhaps). But to the best of my ability, I stay with the present task instead of allowing myself to constantly switch.

5. Set intentions. When I’m starting a new task, before I start single-tasking with this item, I pause. I ask myself, “Is this the most important task I can be doing right now?” Then I ask, “What is my intention with this task?” This just means, why am I doing it? What do I hope to accomplish? What’s my motivation? This helps me to understand the Why of the task, and keeps me motivated when things get hard. Often the Why is something like, “To help my readers with a problem” and this feels good when I’m doing the task. That’s a much better reason than, “Because it’s on my list” or “Because I got an email asking me to do it”. I might do the task either way, but with a solid intention, I’m more focused, more motivated.

6. Realize you’re already there. Often we’re rushing to get somewhere, trying to make progress towards a goal, moving, moving. But where are we going? Will we be happier when we get there? Is that place better than where we already are? I’ve found that no, it’s not any better. Where we already are is just as great. This moment is just as good as wherever we’re rushing off to. We’ve already arrived. So I smile, and appreciate the moment, and this makes the current task not a stepping stone to something better, but something great in and of itself.

7. Keep a stateless mindset. When we rush through a lot of tasks, they tend to accumulate in our heads as we work through our task list. These things running around in our heads cost us a lot in stress and thought administration. So by letting go of past and future tasks, and just focusing on the current task, we can be less stressed and burdened throughout the day. Read more.

8. Let go of finishing your list or inbox. This is something that stresses me out all the time. Trying to finish my to-do list. Trying to empty my inbox. These are meaningless goals. There’s an arbitrary number of emails in your inbox, an arbitrary number of tasks on your list. What does it matter if you finish the day with zero or three left? It doesn’t change your life. Letting go of these arbitrary goals, that don’t really help you, means letting go of the stress. So I practice letting go, and allow some emails to remain in my inbox, and some tasks to remain for tomorrow.

These are the things I try to practice. I don’t always get them right, and I mess up constantly. But when I remember to do these practices, my day is much better, I’m more focused, and my stress levels drop dramatically.

Zen Productivity was originally posted on Zen Habits on 1/13/14

Now, I’m not going to pretend I don’t ever judge other people — I think it’s either a built-in method all humans have, or something we develop because of built-in methods. We all judge people, and I’m not an exception.

But I’ve gotten better at noticing when it happens. And recognizing that it’s a sign of something harmful.

The judging itself isn’t bad. It’s what the judging is a symptom of that’s harmful. I say “harmful” instead of “bad” because instead of judging I’d rather observe that it causes harm.

What underlying harmful causes/situations are indicated by my judging people? Well, here are a few:

• I am very ignorant of what the person is going through.
• I don’t understand the situation.
• I have unrealistic expectations of people.
• I think I’m superior to other people.
• I’m not grateful.
• I’m being self-centered.
• I’m not being curious, but instead I close off all learning.
• I can’t really help the situation from a place of judgment.

How That Happens

Let’s take a fake but typical example so I can show you what I mean (I’m going to bold the symptoms, so forgive the overemphasis):

I see a relative who is actively harming her health, who is overweight and diabetic and yet smokes and eats junk food all the time and does other bad things. I know she can make her health better by changing her habits. I judge her for what she’s doing, think badly of her, get frustrated with her, dismiss her because she’s not worthy of my frustration. This kind of thing happens with me and lots of other people all the time — just change the details to spouse, co-worker, kid, friend and instead of unhealthy things, they’re doing something else you don’t like.

What’s going on in this example? Well, first, I’m ignorant of what she’s going through and I don’t understand the situation. She’s been depressed because of her health problems, feeling guilty, feeling stuck, feeling scared, untrusting of herself. Because of these bad feelings, she doesn’t like to think about health, and makes herself feel better through smoking and comfort food. She’s just trying to be happy. And in fact, I do the same kinds of things all the time — I fail. I feel bad. I comfort myself. So I’m not superior, even if I think I am.

What’s more, I’m not being grateful for the great person she is, despite her health problems. She’s wonderful. By focusing on judging her, I’m not appreciating that. Instead, I’m being self-centered by focusing on how much better I am, how she’s frustrating me, how my frustration is more important than any pain she’s feeling. I’m not being curious about who she is, what she’s going through and why … instead I have made a judgment and that stops all inquiry. And from this place of judgment, I can’t help because I have closed off dialog, and have written her off.

You can see how all of these things are harmful. They make me frustrated and unhappy, they harm my relationship with this lovely person, they stop communication and learning, they don’t allow me to help alleviate suffering, they close me off to what she has to offer me. Among other harms.

How to Let Go of Judging

First be aware that you’re doing it, and see it as a red flag. It’s not horrible to judge, but it’s a good sign that other things are going on that are harming you and others.

This takes practice. But there are symptoms that tell you you’re judging — if you feel angry or frustrated or dismissive of someone. If you’re complaining about someone, or gossiping about them. These are signs you’re judging. Recognize what’s going on.

After you notice the red flag, pause and be curious. Don’t get mad at yourself, but be curious:

• Why are you judging?
• What expectations do you have that are unrealistic?
• What can you guess about what the other person is really going through?
• Can you find out more? (This isn’t always realistic but sometimes you can.)
• What about the other person can you appreciate?
• Can you get out of your self-centeredness and put yourself in the other person’s shoes?
• Can you imagine a time when you were going through something similar?

Once you’ve done that, ask yourself: How can you help? What does this person need? Sometimes they just need someone to listen, someone to be a friend, someone to not judge, someone to accept them. Sometimes they need more — advice, a guide, a hug.

But you can’t help them from a place of judgment. Only when you let go of the judgment that has arisen, and come to a place of acceptance and curiosity and empathy, can you really help. And incidentally, you’ll be a lot happier in the process.

Letting Go of Judging People was originally posted Zen Habits on 1/27/14.

Sure, we work too much, don’t have time for all the other things we want to do, are always tired, eat convenience food or comfort food rather than nutritious or nourishing food, never have time for solitude … but that’s the life we want, right?

OK, maybe it needs a bit of readjusting. Work and life and learning and relationships and health are all really the same thing, and so “balance” is perhaps the wrong word, but adjusting our lives to our aspired priorities is not a bad thing.

A friend recently asked me how I balance my personal lives and all my projects, and it made me pause and think. And that pause, and the thinking, is really the key to it all, I discovered.

So here’s the method I use.

1. Pause regularly. In our lives, we are so busy and caught up in what we’re doing that we have no space for thinking. I build regular pauses into my life, so that I have some space for thought. What kind of pauses? I use morning meditation, drinking coffee in the morning with my notebook, my morning shower, a walk alone, tea or a run or other meeting with my wife or a friend, as space for thinking about my life. Pause regularly to create space.
2. Zoom out. When you take a pause, zoom out from the close-up view, so you can look at the big picture. What are you doing with your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Are you making decisions in the aggregate? What are your priorities? And are you living those priorities? You don’t need to think about all of these things during each pause, but use the pauses for this kind of thinking.
3. Readjust. When you notice that you’ve been spending too much time on the computer, and too little with your kids or other loved ones, make a note of it. When you notice that some important projects are being neglected, or you don’t have time for exercise, or your diet has gone to hell and settled in there, make a note. Think about what adjustments you can make.
4. Now actually block off time. Making a note and mental adjustment is great, but it’s meaningless without action. What kind of action can you take to adjust how you actually spend your time? Make a commitment, on your calendar. Not one that you’ll skip when the time comes and you’re browsing your favorite sites. A commitment you’ll keep. For example, if you want to work out more, make a regular date with a friend to go for a run or do a bodyweight workout in the park or go to yoga class or go to the gym you signed up for 11 months ago and never use. Make a regular date. If you want to work on a project, make an appointment to go to a tea house or library for 3-4 hours just to work on that project. Or commit to a whole week of working on your novel. Tell somebody about it, and better yet commit to getting them the work by the end of the week (or whatever period you choose). Make the time, solidly.

That’s the method. Four steps, done regularly.

Life is a constant readjustment. It’s whether you readjust consciously that makes all the difference.